Evaluation of a situation

 There are many who claim to know everyone's problems, origin of and solution to. Nobody could truthfully claim anything like this. I only propose an idea about how to look at things and determine what's going on and why. I only propose that we take all elements, forces and effects into account. No individual issue, item or subject is the sole cause of any situation. If someone is "acting out", there are subjects withiin them and outside, around them contributing to the situation. Something has angered them and something has pushed them so far as to have that level of activity that available on their menu of what to do. If a mechanical part breaks, the part may have been installed wrong by someone in the previously mentioned type of situation as well as manufactured wrong for a host of other reasons or damaged in shipping, usage, accident, abuse... There are so many factors at play in anything.

A factor not considered in film reviewing is why so many are centered around and driven by conflict. Video media like TV shows and internet postings too. I got more "ultra hippieized" by some recent trauma and realized this while watching a long line of conflict. What else could happen? Exploration and explanation are good and included in things like travel and food shows. I defaulted to Anthony Bourdain's video catalog when I had my video conflict revelation. This caused a drive for documentary style movies and TV (most movies are REALLY negative) and music videos and concert footage. Another source of negativity is the BBC. On their nature shows like planet earth 2 and life of plants, conflict and disgust dominate. I've watched stuff in which the anteater is glossed over as quickly as possible so the rest of the duration could be used to show the ants. Underwater? Get out the macro and look for the most insect-like crustaceons. BBC just has to show animals fighting, eating one another in slow motion repeated multiple times, or the grossest shit around.

Some of the concerts are blowing me away. These musicians really fucking throw down the gauntlet as far as setting a bar in technique, writing and performance. Black metal guitarists are showing rhythmic variety untold with right hand picking. A power metal band, Sonata Arctica live in Finland, almost makes me cry with music that goes straight to the me inside me. Hindustani classical sarod and sitar players are turning out to be bonkers good sometimes (or some folks) and totally incoherent or annoying with others. I wrote some about music evaluation last post. This language of music is all I really understand. English speech in America is pretty fucked up if you listen and think.

Old JRPGs and Hindustani classical music

 I like the older, lo-fi, retro, vintage jrpgs for a few reasons. The 1st is less status effects. I've had my folks blinded, silenced, confused, turned to stone, etc. for decades in Final Fantasies. To go without for even a few minutes is great. Simplicity of game mechanics makes any of these games playable by me, as soon as I figure out the yes and no buttons. Being able to play it for a little while without crushing defeat helps. I like blocky, old graphics sometimes and newer, slicker graphics at others, for diffrent reasons. The old graphics are expressive, cartoonish, creative  and charming. New graphics are great for more action. I don't want action. That brings the next point: the old jrpg grinding zone-out. Time is forgotten and running each battle more in my favor takes over. This currently leads to falling asleep, but with more rest it works.

Another odd thing I like is Hindustani classical music. Lots of concerts were available on archive and I was just looking for interesting or watchable concert videos. I've heard enough so I can tell what the musicians are doing most of the time. I'm recognizing repeating patterns and matching up the strings and percussion understandably in my head. I've heard enough music to listen for things like using multiple parts in a song, variety of technique and within said technique, note choice and phrasing. Some of the Hindustani sitar and sarod players are real shred-masters at their instrument. Westrn European note frequency and rhythmic variety are absolutely left in India's dust. Some of the metal guitarists I've heard might be able to hold a candle to this by sheer riff generation. I'm thinking of Jon Nordstrand of Dissection. Storm of the Light's Bane, Feathers Fell, Where Dead Angels Lie, The Somberlain... His rhythm guitar alone provides enough riff generating variety. Abbath Doom Occulta of Immortal is king of right hand picking though. The one thing I prefer in western European system is recognizable, repeating parts that come back. These Hindustani folks are just on a long solo and most of it improvised (told in 1 of the videos by a sitarist). If they had a hook chorus to come back to, we would really be cooking.

More trash talk and hyper-reflective thoughts

 I need to play an open mic night. The fucking club owner would want to meet what did that. Variety and heartfelt expression galore! Venomous rage on Colors of the Wind, a slow and complex version of Black Metal, Gloryhammer and Rhapsody call to arms anthems... Fuck would I be different from everyone else!

Image out of order, literally. I get words and phrases stuck in my head. Most recent was Ephel Duath, the mountains around Mordor in J.R.R. Tolkein's Lord of the Rings and Silmarillion. I found that out by looking up the place name from the series I knew.

When my thrash/death metal band, Pazuzu hit the stage with the vocalist from Agiel, whom I had heard on the local radio show, Sonic Insanity, his good performance made me want to do better. When I worked with Justin at the bike shop, his productivity and control of the situation made me strive for similar things. People you are around effect the end result like an environment can effect it. MCC was far away and I drove pretty freely to stores. Brockport was close and very few stores. Obvious.

I'm all blackened thorns and craggy rustication on the outside, but filled with true hippie peace and psychedelicism inside. Just like the G-funk guys who really did it right. Their songs say things like "I just want to hang out with my friends, but I live in a hostile place and have to be strong and imposing because of it."

Digestive Distress

 My guts are eft. I'm at a diet of fish, fruit and vegetables. Nuts give me diarrhea and rice gives me constipation. Last night, I was having problems, but not quite so bad. I broke up gabapentin to make myself work and it was ok for a little while. I broke the same gabapentin tonight, but time is the only force which will show whether this is effective.

I've been comparing my "basics" loading of the handheld emulator vs. android games and the emulator stomps them hard. Ads? Ha. Paid content on a game over 10 years old, before it could possibly do that? Then the games. I load old emulator shit and most of it is playable without instructions. Open a new android game and it's longer than the FFX sphere grid tutorial. Some would point to greater complexity of the games. If they are so fucking great, why is it just this laundry list of requirements? Why not some choices? This is a "game", right? That would indicate the user guiding some aspect of it besides whether to conform and complete requirements like in this hell I'm using the game to escape.

Frankenstein, the famous movie. I watched some of it recently and saw the section involving when the "monster" comes to life and his early experiences. The doctor's evil henchman finds that Frank hates fire, so he waves a torch in dude's face every second he can. No fucking wonder Frank was freaking out! Remove the fire, and we have a clumsy and ignorant being in need of instruction, not a monster. Don't teach him anything about how to navigate the world even and we see what happens. Doctor Stein and his lackey made a monster from a blank slate.

If Billy Gibbons, the ZZ Top guitarist, plays his regular stuff on a 15 string guitar and ignores all the other strings and frets, does that count as him playing the instrument?

I realized I like fear with my fun because of robo for so many years. That's just how robo does it and now my brain is programmed. This is why evil nurse was so much fun. This is why bad energy and ghost cat is fun. No wonder the bad energy is focused on the laundry room that used to be the bathroom. No shit the bad energy is there, or should I say "all shit" it is there.

Maestro de mi mama

 I was teaching my mom how to ask for a pivotal item without causing major problems. I needed tizanidine and contacting the primary would cause a huge problem. She wanted to call there right away, but I remember buying 1 of the pills before. Just have to ask correctly and insist on paying then yourself. The 1st case worker taught me so much. It worked. If the primary had been contacted 1st, this would definitely lead to immediate, horrible problems for me. He would have found fault in me, placed blame and administered punishment. By contacting the pharmacy, maybe he won't be alerted as much. It won't become a huge issue because we can insist on a story of lost pills.

Abuse of gabapentin has gotten pretty explanatory. Breaking up 1/2 of the 600mg tablet gets that extra bit, but robs it from the end. Also, no clue whether it will be a purge, energy blast or hyperfocus adhd ritalin type experience.

I just showed my mom how good Immortal is and how well Abbath Doom Occulta picks. There was a part that sounded like a slow beat, but I tolf her about how he was playing more notes than that, all close together. She heard, saw, and told me.

Hospital Again

 Here I am in a hospital waiting room again. A woman just came out and said she understood that some people here have been waiting 3 or 4 hours. I took a tizanidine before I left, but that is not enough. Luckily, my dad stopped to get me nicotine gum and hand sanitizer. I would be totally fucked without those. Also fixed my bag so the keyboard case stays on the back better, without ripping through small sections tied. I used a different card reader and fixed the operating system card with my old 16gb pi3b+ card. That pi3 thing is just slightly underpowered. It loads games fine and 1 video fine, but a playlist of videos is too much for it to handle. The playback gets all choppy and glitchy.

I was feeling really poorly yesterday when I realized that metal music is the only language in which I can communicate effectively. Vigrid Field, Phasmydian Walking Stick and Veils of Sunken Varloorni prove that. I also realized today that it is the only language I fully understand when it is communicated to me.

I'm in a waiting room hall at the main hospital of the area. This place is packed with folks in need and I have to control my generosity here. There are 2 old men waiting here with me and 1 needs a smoke. I offered him a piece of nicotine gum. He didn't want it. The other guy is scraping for change to buy sodas. I get into a place like this and try to help others before I can help myself like the main character from Hells (2008 anime movie). I guess I'm more like her than I previously imagined. My story arc would have had some much darker times before I found my strength. It always does and I discover my strength in hell like her too. Once I leave hell, my power vanishes. Like the Besaid Aurochs, I can only win the Yevon Cup with a new player on my team. I thrive on variety and change, but not quite torture level. Torture level approaches quickly and I told a nurse the longer I wait, the worse my stomach problems get and I'm scheduled for a session of gut Star Wars in a few days. She predictably did not care enough to even write a note.

I've been here 24 hours and got less than 1 6-hour interval dose of pills that this hospital system prescribed to me. I'm not trying to claim someone else's or more than alotted. I told an office person that poor decisions inevitably come back to hurt the folks who decide on those choices. She took it as a threat when I don't have to lift a finger to make it happen.

The hospitalfolk gave me 2 different pills which each take an hour to work and told me they would clean my foot in 15 minutes when the pills started working. I told this bitch to have fun thinking that and cried while it hurt my foot. 

I'm too frazzled to go to the hospital. I just freak out the entire time inconsolably.

Vapes

 It is no mystery that I am currently a vape addict. Adult pacifiers.

The nicotine one makes my head, mouth and throat feel great, but my leg, ass and digestive area feel horrible. I mix a fluid using menthol, mint and fruit flavors to make something difficult to put down.

THC vapes are extremely interesting. I order from a company called Binoid and like them. The goal here is to hit 2 bases and try for more. THC, CBD and CBG are supposedly the 3 bases, but not really. I manage quite well without CBD specifically. However, my set contains CBC, CBG and CBN. I've got THCA and delta 9 in my T category. Sometimes I get one with some delta 8, but it doesn't feel like it. This is where my special combo comes in. HHC is in a T category vape and I think it compliments delta 9 excellently. I would call that the 3rd base in my diamond because it at least works some if I really figure it out well.

I put these in C, T and H categories based on 1st letters. There are so many types of ingredients in these. T category is absolutely bristling with variety.

1 of them is my standard. It has delta 9P and HHC, along with the THCA that Binoid has in literally every one they sell. 2nd individual has a long list of great ingredients. CBG, CBN and HHC are my faves that compliment my standard very well. The new arrival has CBC, is harsh and strong. Good addition. Last on its way out is an item with tons of delta 8 marked in the fine print on back, but advertised as just another THCA.

I have told you all about how I order and why without telling individual items because I want you to explore and find your own path.